You Are Not The Only One" Are Not Comforting Words!

The first time I addressed Winnie like this; "oh see, but all women......", she sharply interrupted me and said, "oh no, I am not all women. I am Winnie". She had won and I had lost. I had to readdress her and you know what! It worked. I am sure those who are familiar with my writings can easily guess my point.

But what is my point today?

You cannot take confidence in knowing that all others do, you are YOU alone and all that matters is what happens to you and you alone.

In my mother’s language, we usually say; "Buri umwe agiraga ati 'urwombonye" (which literally means that everyone says of himself, 'oh, I have seen hell!’).

In other words, there could be many people facing hell or even actually facing the same hell or even worse hell, but each one of these individuals has a different way he actually faces his hell and this way matters to him and himself irrespective of the generality of the problem.

Got it? Yes, you will.

Because others are failing this or that does not mean you should also fail the same thing or even take confidence and comfort in knowing that others do fail to. Because so and so is living hell on earth should not be a word of encouragement for you to swallow the injustices being done to you. Because families no longer have that solid intimacy, love and sharing as before should not be our source of confidence and comfort in the inadequacy of our families. And because everyone is divorcing or cheating or fighting should not be our excuse to do the same.

And Why?

We are WE and you are YOU. You need a life, a different and successful life no matter what happens or happened to the people around you. You were chosen among many, God reminds you.


You know there are some of us who come from homes full of drunkards, failures, mad people, violent and indiscipline men and women, and so much more. And for God's sake, the devil and some of our friends like to pin our lives to such backgrounds and expect us to live no better than our families, friends, or people around us ever did. And you know what! We are sometimes tempted to believe in the same fate.

What! What are Am I saying?

Yes, I am saying that it is possible that all that is limiting you to succeed is the idea that everyone in your specie never did beyond that. It is possible that the only thing holding you back is because every family member around you is facing the same hell you are in now. It is possible that you cannot demand more from life or even do much more because your family, brothers and sisters or close friends never did or never do such wonders. But the question is or rather are;

Should the failures of others be your comfort and confidence for living in the same failures? Should the fact that everyone is having the same problem be your excuse for not solving your own problem? Of course not. That would be a big mistake.

Listen, some days ago, I wrote an article pointing out how some bad people shall love pinning you onto your dark past and at times stop you from seeing your present and future differently, you may need to read that article too (visit

Everyone says to himself, "I have seen hell"

Yes, you have seen hell and you need to get out. And this is your duty to get out. You need to thrive and be better even though all others may not go with you.

Even though all other families have a cheating man or woman, your family should be unique. Even though all other women are extravagant, you and you alone can be economical. Even though all other Christians do and don’t do this and that, you can be yourself and a different Christian. Why?

The truth is you are YOU alone and solely responsible for the life you live. And this shall be about you and no one else. The question shall never be about what were the others doing or which life were they living, but it will be about what you were doing or which life were you living!

Surprising? Oh no, it should not be.

Enough is enough. Stop identifying yourself with others, be unique and positive.

In other words, be better, be unique, achieve more, dream big, live well, live happily, and live your life. And you know why you should be? Because you can no matter how others are doing about the same life. We wrote some article about why you too can be, you may need to check that out.

You are not the only one, but not the only one in what?

I know, just like me, you must have ever encouraged someone or been encouraged yourself with the words, "you are not the only one". And, sadly, that person or you yourself must have taken comfort in those words knowing that you were or he was not the only one suffering or failing, but I want to challenge you today.

And what is the Challenge? Here it is;

The next time someone comforts you with the words, "you are not the only one", just close your eyes and calmly ask back; not the only one in doing what?.

Not the only one in doing what?

That is a powerful attitude and question that will diminish the power of darkness that was coming for you to accept the situation because all others are also living the same hell, and it will set you apart (chosen among many) to live differently. Yes, that is the message and that is how God wants us to live.

Our God chose us from many like He did when He chose Israelites from others. He has set up life for us, I mean life for you; life full of victories, winning, loving, happiness and completeness. And because others are not living that kind of life should not be our or your excuse for not finding and living it.

You are you alone and there is a great life ahead of you no matter what the rest of your family members, friends, or fellow neighbors around you think and do.

Got it? Yes, you have.


The comforting words, You Are Not The Only One, should never be used to give us confidence and comfort in suffering the same injustices or bad situation as all others are doing, but in setting us apart for a unique and greater cause and living that is different and better from those suffering.

In other words, instead of saying, You are not the only one suffering, why don't we say, "You are the only one trying to be different", and maybe point out few more other individuals who lived differently among the many that surrounded them? (I hope you know the story of Noah or even Job).

Yes, I know you can.

God bless you.

The Complete You Ministry,

Professionally, a nurse & public health officer. Founder & CEO @MIKLAH, SWAPafrica, Yapheh Salons, etc, Sacred Entrepreneur, Author & Speaker.