Should I Pursue or Chase After a Guy?
A simple Google search about chasing after or pursuing a guy brings out one answer, a NO! With our modern feminism setting in, it is very hard to find any writer encouraging a beautiful lady to chase after that which she wants, a man. Wait! We have not even ascertained that women want men any more! According to The Economist, a recent book from one of the modern feminists, Alice Coffin, insists that ‘men should have no place in women’s minds’. Anyway, back to the topic, everyone seems to say, don’t chase after a guy; if he can’t chase after you, let him go. YOU DESERVE BETTER, the advise goes! However, tonight, I want us to come to this question: Should you, a beautiful lady in a modern day Uganda, chase after a man you love?
Watch the video instead: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiHPO4ABMUM&t=159s
From my personal experience, and others that I know, it is not common to find two people in a relationship putting in equal effort, at least not at the start. There is always one who is into it more than the other. And it is not abnormal for this person to be the lady, the beautiful woman. However, because both are in love, the ‘less interested’ one quickly catches up.
Now, for any relationship to thrive, it needs efforts from both sides. And yet there is usually the initiator, the one that invests in a lot more, especially at the start. I do not have to tell you that so many people have lost the chances they had simply because they let the other person think they weren’t interested; they never expressed any effort! Don’t be the one.
I think I need to make myself clear. This is not UNREQUITED LOVE (or one-sided love), whereby love is not reciprocated! Here, I am simply talking about love not equally or similarly reciprocated or responded to!
There are many reasons why a guy may not be giving in much even when he is interested and it is up to you, the lady, to do most of the work. Here are five of them:
- Maybe he is too shy and very conservative.
Should I call this ‘not knowing how to love’? Sometimes, a guy wants and likes a lady but he has no guts or ways to say or express it. He may even not know that constant texts, calls, small gifts, outings, and, yeah, some form of flirting inspires and encourages love. Or he may know these acts, but is scared of doing them! In both cases, a lady can initiate some of these actions. What is important is to see a positive response from the guy. For example, text him first. Call him first. Propose an outing first. Send him a small gift first. It doesn’t matter. If you love him, make an effort. Then, sit and observe his response!
- Background or his current situation.
Most times, your boyfriend is balancing more than one job or many studies or has had a bad past, for example, unlovely family and relatives or hurtful relationships. In these cases, the guy might be slow to make effort even when he likes you. It will be up to you to convince him that you are different. Also, if it is about busy work schedule or bad family background, you will still have to make effort; create time first, make a call first, text him and remind him that the weekend is around. Show that you really care about it and you would wish he spares time and energy for it as well. The point here is not to be pushy or obsessed with a relationship but to confidently take control.
- And yes, there is too much competition.
I know you have been told that it doesn’t matter whether you find a guy or not! Current motivations are about success in other ways but not relationships; study hard, strike a good job or business, make money, a lot of it, and live your life. Actually, use your relationships to make money, to hook up for jobs, the financial advise goes. And, please, cut off those who don’t have what to give; surround yourself with ‘successful’ people! However, I am sorry to break the silence with the spoil alert; finding a man is a still a lovely thing for a woman, a big accomplishment! Now, to not sound ridiculous, let me add this: It is a great thing for a man to find a woman as well! So, while we are at it, just know the competition is high. Sometimes, the woman who advises you not to pursue your favorite man ends up with him. You know this, don’t you? If there is a guy you like, just know that many want him. A little push or effort can make a difference. I know this for I experienced it.
- You have more resources.
Besides the resource of time, understanding (or grace), and a better past, you could even be having other material resources like money, and equipment. In this case, it wouldn’t be bad to do more than him. For example, when out, initiate and take selfies or photos if you are the one with a good phone. Loving to take photos with the person you are dating says a lot about how you enjoy him. In case you have more money, be the first to suggest an outing and or when you are already out there, be the first to suggest a certain drink or food or any action and easily and friendly propose to meet the bill. Sometimes, men appear less interested simply because they are worried about the expenses. When you cover these up, a man will happily jump in. Only make sure that he isn’t a parasite or lazy, and that he is grateful for your efforts and works hard and harder to take care of such duties too!
- Men love women who put in effort.
While too much pushing can be irritating and damage a relationship, a moderate and calculated effort to make it work makes women more attractive. According to Relationship Rules, men love women who put in an effort because of these reasons: They (women) look at big picture. They make you a better person. They make you less insecure. And, yeah, they are there through thick and thin. I love Winnie because she works hard to see our relationship grow. I don’t think I would hold onto a woman who expects me to drive everything! I think it is one of the best things I love about Winnie; she works for our relationship.
According to Phylicia Masonheimer, our God is always pursuing us. He initiated love, pursued us when we didn’t know him and made us to love Him back. And everyday, God is graciously running after us, doing everything to make it work. For any relationship, there is need to pursue or work for it. And it doesn’t matter if you are a woman or man; pursue your relationship. So, should you pursue or put effort in winning over the guy you love? Yes. Don’t be pushy or crazily rush things for some selfish reasons, but put in those slow, well calculated actions of love and take control of your relationship. Thank me later. Oh! I mean, thank God later!
GOD BLESS YOU
